The Health

Today 1st Nov 2013, went for a check up ( ECG) regarding health... Chest pain ... heart beat not balance ... left hand cram... How come this happen to me ? And now , Waiting report .. Sometimes, I was thinking how long more when the times come ... Scared. Tired ! Speechless !

Thinking~

It iS ALL fate... And I will be waiting ~~~ The days since we temporary go for separate way, make me realize something ... Something that is so meaningful which I don't know how to describe it out here.... If I were you , yes I will definitely will go this way, but its up to yourself...Choice and time is at your hand.... everyday hoping there is a special MESSAGE from you , saying " lets go back together "... Sitting in front of BEAR BEAR , telling her I am just too hurtful and I have to get home late at night due to alcoholic... Well , this is not me... Confession , drink too much have made my body weaker ... could feel my heartbeat is not fine anymore... but I don't know when I will stop hurt myself as much as u made.. Dear all friend which had that I have drink with them which I usually reject them, Don't afraid , till the day I died , I will remember u guys, which make fun with me when I am lonely... thank you ~ Dear " To her " I still love you so much.... And I miss you badly... - A message from you, really could change my day. -a call from you make me feel safer. -a date from you make me happy. I am here always , just for you , only you...

The Day to grow~

Well, till this day , I don't know the direction anymore.... I lost the confidence , I lost my passion , I lost the job that I admired... I just don't know what to do right now... I got a way, but if i go through that way , which I change my path way, I might lose someone that I love. I dont want to lost her , but in the same time , I would like to change my direction... well , there is not support...and im alone in this... Change my job path... FML~

The Love

Everytime, I am the only one created the quarrel and make her feel sad... And she once she started to cry, I am totally hurts cause this is not the first time... A single drop , makes me feel bad everytimes... I would find a way and I know I will shine her life up once I get her the ring... the ring for both of us.... Babe, I know I owe you alots of this words "SoRRy"... And I mean it... And its makes me feel guilty afterall... And Yes, it will spoiled my mood all day long... But sometimes it really makes me no mood to do anything at all... Every supports from you, is the rewards for being greatfull and achieved whatever I wanted... "Meaningful" the case happened yesterday, it ruin everything today... But I will try my best to fix everything. Love you, Baby Ee Ling. Loved Teddy And Bear Bear Always.... Alots of huggies to them... Hugsss~~~~~~ <3 ( *Hearts*) I love you so much. Tears Drop......

Updates~

Me:Started a new working place at maricosa on 25th july 2012 which is a month already. Just hope everything will go smooth in this 2 years at maricosa.Basic of 1.5 is not enough for me thou. Her: Teehehe. I love her so much. And it is our 18th months anniversary today. <33... Hugssss~~~~... Debt: Tried and tried to find him a plan . And mine will be okay in between this 3 months if everything running smooth. Car: Still going on and had to fixed as soon as possible or else my bao bei will feel uncomfortable and wont be able to travel far and during raining due to a car WITHOUT air-cond =D. $$$$$ 31st august 2012: Chef Yong Kah Wai last day~ I have a long long chat with him once during operation . But he resigned. Sigh~ hard to find a chef like him. THATS ALL FOR NOW OKAY? uPCOMING Update~~

It's the end ?

I know I promised you so many things, and yet the chances u gave me I did not appriciate it. Well, it is not all about your attitude, it's just I don't know how to give u the effort. I've tried, until I gave up. You're the one breaking up with me. I asked you when u entered ur car, and yet u still doing it. Seriously I dont know what to do and say already. I just want us to come out and solve this, that is what I want.

Truths Or Facts

I hope there is no one’s get offence after reading this. Thus,

Someone show up and fix me like a Father teaches a son.

After the incident on Sunday which I felt really sorry for her to deserve like this. I am so cruel that I treat her this way. Unconsciously speak up the bad of me when she get ill and I told her just to sleep and go for a checkup rather than tell her this “U are going to be just fine, just take some rest and continue to hang up with her until she fall asleep . Show her how u care about her and accompany her when she really need you and ONLY YOU. Isn’t it so easy? But I screw everything up again as always. After the day onwards , I told myself to be more strong and not to do something without putting efforts on it ( she tell me this too), then only I realized what I did. Oh well, I really hit myself really hard after all to make me wake up rather than continue this.” Whispering, I hope she is not going to leave me.”
Until next morning , my friend speak and give me advices.

First, I told him I got no appetite to eat and he answer me YOU DON’T BE STUPID . U CAN’T BACK ON IF U MAKE URSELF LIKE THIS. Frankly, I am shock.
When the clock tick tock until 9pm something, he bring me to a quiet place to talk to me. He told me not to be selfish( my mum and ee ling told me this before),he said to me what is my problem?... he continue, telling me to differentiate between work and personal matter. And he keep reminds me of open ur eyes when you work and plan what u should do next, continue by no one will help you once I resign, everything will be on ur own( but u’re my friend and my handphone will be 24hrs for you if u’ve matters to discuss thou). He also mention that I can really work well, but what I am lacking is effort(same goes to my personal matter).

Second, he go for my personal matter, he ask :how long I already be with her… I answer: 1 year plus… and then he tap my shoulder, ah Chun ahh, 1 year past already and you will be more understand her(liao kai) than other peoples beside her parents. He continue again, you are not 12 yrs old kid , u ‘re 21 already, stop acting like 12 yrs old kid. Grow up boy. Your salary isn’t enough for you after the deduction of epf and socso. But u still manage to bought a car for both of you and it is second used of car(and I seldom see youngster nwdays want to drive a 2nd hand car). And you still dare to that car even though u know it is hard for you. But what u do is for u both.( his face show me like he is so surprise). Since we got to hook up with our duties, our conversation stop and he ask me to think properly.

To my babe ( Miss Chow Ee Ling),
Now I realized everything, every single thing, when u scold me and what we argue always. It not all about you but it is all about me, im the one that need to be change and fix. I told you I will fix myself, and if I were, this thing wont happen. Im sorry to you same goes to myself. Could you give me another chance ? ( even this is the 4th time). And and and, my hot temper also need to overcome because it is also one of it causes that bring me into the argument. I now provide you what I can and show you how I improve day by day. I wont disappointed you again. And yup I did not smoke anymore because I want to spend more time with you rather than burning every seconds of my life. It is so meaningful to be with you afterall and you are my special one and only one. *Hugsss*
It is time to go bed , the clock show 2.22am..
End of conversation.
(Eugene the big stomach)